‘Brothers, my fellow soldiers to whom death is no obstacle and freedom the reward.’ It was a small army but Dan was confident that they could topple a government, sure it was made up mostly of pale faced 15 year olds who wanted to impress there girlfriends and annoy anything remotely resembling an authority figure, but Dan knew this, which is why he paid their girlfriends to egg them on and bribed a local headmaster to phone their parents and have them forbidden from doing this kind of thing, ‘I can see fear in your eyes, I can see that there are those among you who would rather be at home playing on your games consoles or watching FUCKING FRIENDS, but how do you get your TV or your new games, through working, through prostituting yourself in a society that would careto the extent that you are some shit on their shoe that they would buy a stick to scrape you off.’ The power and emotion of the speech was put on hold when one of the crowd piped up,
‘My mum bought my TV,’ Dan stared for a second and no longer, his mind had thought through every aspect of his plan and it was solid,
‘Well your mum has sold herself out to capitalism and become a corporate whore, today we end this society of cunts and become a nation of glorious anarchy, a nation no longer repressed by this government, a government where law and order’ Dan chuckled ‘has the sole purpose of protecting the corrupt government who sticks its notes in the policemen’s g-strings like a common stripper’
‘Why are you so obsessed with sex’ a different teen popped up, for one who despised politicians, Dan turned this question around quick and easily, like a pro.
‘I am purely using dramatic devices to stress why this bitch government needs to be removed, if you weren’t busy thinking with your penis maybe you should listen to this speech as I am talking about our freedom (if there is such a thing) and at least make life bearable before the black abyss of nothingness that waits for us beyond our graves,’ a boy covered in metal studs to the extent that he was almost falling over spoke up,
‘Cool! Nothingness! I wrote a poem about nothingness, anyone want to hear it’ there was a collective groan from the crowd but the boy started reading anyway ‘I am choked…’ he began
‘The choking will be a lot more literal if you don’t let me speak’ the boy backed down looking even sadder than before (and that is hard), and Dan regained his composure ‘now we will first make our way to parliament, tomorrow is prime ministers questions, so the entire establishment of hate will be there and ready to breath their last hatful breath, instead of going straight into parliament we go to the national portrait gallery and tunnel from there to under the main chamber, where we will plant, with the intention of detonating, this bomb, provided to us by Akbahs jihad supplies, complete with suicide bomb rental service’ it was a shameless plug but this way Dan got the bomb for free one of the smarter children piped up, this was a problem for Dan as he didn’t expect any of them to have anything resembling intelligence,
‘Dude hasn’t that been done already, some bloke, um yeah, it was done by some gun folks,’
‘Guy Fawkes’ Dan corrected him,
‘So this isn’t really your plan, your just copying some over bloke who did it?’ the boy questioned
‘Well the difference is he failed where we shall succeed.’ Dan said, an dressing the entire crowd
‘That aint good, you know history repeats itself, if this Goon fakes couldn’t do it why are we going to succeed?’ the boy continued to ask
‘Well we’re not copying his plan exactly, ours has overcome the flaws in his plan’ Dan pleaded, noticing that he was loosing the crowd, a different person piped up
‘And wasn’t that god flakes catholic’ there was a hum of recognition ‘I don’t believe in a god,’ the boy stated
‘Well neither do I, we’re just finishing what he started’ Dan replied
‘I don’t want to become catholic’ another voice from the crowd piped up,
‘Well you don’t have to become catholic, you just have to help me blow up parliament, and we will succeed because…’
‘We’re not catholic?’ one of the group interrupted,
‘Um, ok sure why not’ Dan conceded his logical arguments weren’t going to work on this bunch,
‘What happens if we get caught’ piped up a boy wearing a French maid’s outfit,
‘Well, we’ll be arrested, but that won’t happen because…’
‘Wait a minute, we’re breaking the law?’ the French maid said, completely shocked.
‘Well obviously there is a law against blowing up the government, this corrupt government needs something to hide behind in case the masses open their eyes to the governments war mongering and lust for power’ Dan replied almost crying with frustration.
‘Nobody told me I would be breaking the law, I don’t want to go to prison’ the stud boy said breaking into tears,
‘Even if we do get caught I have plans to break us from prison, but that wont happen’ well Dan’s exact plan was to use the fact he wasn’t an emo to plead he was looking at the portraits and was dragged into the tunnel, nobody would believe the others because they were emos, once again the smart one piped up,
‘Wont the government shoot us?’ he asked.
‘Firstly the government won’t do its own dirty work, if any shooting were to be done it would be done by the police, and that’s why you will all be fitted with jacket bombs and kill switches, I wont for continuity.’ Dan said holding up a jacket with akbah’s jihad supplies printed on the side.
‘I heard somewhere that if you’re holding a kill switch you can’t itch,’ a boy wearing a gas mask shouted,
‘Where was that, a limerick?’ Dan asked,
‘No, it’s true, because if you itch you take your hand of the trigger and then you explode’ the boy shouted whilst others around him nodded in agreement.
‘You have two hands,’ Dan stated.
‘Oh yeah, but I always itch with my right hand, do you have any left handed kill switches?’ the gas mask boy asked,
‘All kill switches are the same, you can hold it with whichever hand you like’ Dan said, his voice rising in volume,
‘Can’t we get some elastic bands to hold down the switch for us?’ spoke up a second voice,
‘That really would defy the point of a kill switch’ Dan said, his voice trembling
‘Well if they shoot us we just cut the elastic band before we hit the ground’ the boy said in such a way as to suggest he has logic,
‘That’s a great idea, however I think we should stick with what we have right now’ Dan said very quickly loosing the trace amounts of patience he had,
‘Ok but if we ever do this again I want elastic bands,’ a different boy demanded
‘We’re not going to be doing this again because it will work the first time’ Dan practically cried
‘well why cant we do it again, I had a lot of fun this time, I even met a girl and learned what it is like to feel love’ the boy said hugging a girl sat next to him counting money,
‘You are a week hearted fool’ Dan insulted,
‘Well have you ever had a girlfriend?’ the boy asked,
‘That’s not the point; love is a shallow illusion of happiness’ Dan said, incredibly annoyed that they were going to hold this against him
‘Holy crap Dan’s a virgin’ the stud boy shouted
‘Let’s not talk about this pointless shit ok!’ Dan shouted ‘look, we’re going to tunnel under parliament and plant a bomb whilst wearing jacket bombs with kill switches, we’re not being Catholics and we’re not doing this to impress our girlfriends, there is a chance of being arrested but if they shoot everyone dies so they probably wont!’ there was a short pause and then a single voice spoke,
‘Hey its six o’clock, friends is on!’ it shouted,
‘You have got to be kidding me!’ Dan shouted as the entire group filtered out, he knew none of them would come back, ‘if these are the most rebellious people society has to offer this government is never going to topple’ Dan thought as he sat down and cried with frustration.